30-3-3: An investment strategy for your marriage

The last couple of weeks we have been looking at the topic of marriage at Bethel.

This last week I talked specifically about having a strategy of investment for your marriage. We have strategies for so many of the temporal things in our life: money, education, career, retirement, fantasy football... etc. Very few people that I talk to have a strategy for their marriage. Most of the time couples are on auto-pilot until a crisis comes. Attention gets poured into marriages during crisis, but very little weekly, monthly and yearly investment is strategically made.

If you are looking for a strategy, let me offer the following for your consideration:
30-3-3

1. 30 minutes a week: have a conference one a week as a couple. When you come together ask each other these three questions. It is important that when the question is asked, the asking spouse remain completely silent - just listening. (Thanks to Chip Ingrim for these questions)

a. What are things you are concerned about?
b. What are the things you wish for?
c. What are you willing to do about it?

2. 3 hours a month: commit to a celebration once a month. So often we use our dates as times to discuss the things that are wrong in our marriage. A celebration is just that - a time to celebrate. Instead of focusing on the 5%, 10% or even 50% that is wrong in our marriage, take the time to celebrate what is right. (A good strategy here is to take turns planning these celebrations).

3. 3 days a year: this "camp-out" is designed for you to get away with your husband or wife and invest in a very specific and significant way. Whether it is a conference, retreat or just a long weekend with Tommy Nelson's Song of Solomon series, every year we need to step out of the routine of daily life and make a significant deposit in our marriages. (NOTE: I would suggest that when you can to be at a conference or retreat setting that will allow you the opportunity to both be encouraged by other couples as well as be an encouragement.)

So... what is your strategy? Let me know how your first conference goes. For Leslie and I, it has become the highlight of our week.